Where do we belong?

We went to church on Sunday just like we always do. I walked in and saw all the kids were dressed up in cowboy stuff. I was really confused. Why were so many kids dressed alike? Come to find out the kids were doing a drama during church and my kids were conveniently left out. I don't understand. Is there something wrong with me or my kids? I also had to hear about who was having dinner at who's house and again I wondered, why don't we ever get invited to anyone's house for dinner after church? I don't get it. People will bend over backwards to make sure you don't leave the church but don't do any outreach. Let me rephrase that, they don't do any outreach to us.

We have been attending CIC for nine years now and I still feel like an outsider looking in. Families who have been there a lot less time than us are being scooped up and taken in by everyone. Even the one who is always a problem is more a part than I am. And she only attends church to get attention! I don't know what to do. Do I leave? Do I stay and just sit there and be quiet like I always do? I live a very lonely life. I feel like I have no friends and I have to keep my kids spirits up. I try to keep them involved but then something like Sunday happens and they wonder why not us? I am mad. I don't know how to deal with this. It isn't good for Billie because now he doesn't see any reason to come with us. I know it is just another one of his excuses but he isn't coming. Hopefully this feeling will pass and I will find my place in this church. If not, I may have to find somewhere else and start over again. I hate that! I hate change! I guess I will just stay where I am at and be lonely and miserable.

School days are here again!!

The girls started school on August 18. Brittney is in the 4th grade and Lainey is in Kindergarten. It is now the 4th week of school and Brittney is already starting to have problems. I know she can do it but she does not apply herself. She is starting to say how much she hates school. I was hoping that she would be in about the 7th grade before she started that. She is so smart. Way smarter than I was at that age. I know she can be so much!! I was stupid and gave up my opportunities and I will not let that happen to my kids. One way or another they will do better. Lainey is like a sponge. She just absorbs all the info at school. She is having a little trouble staying out of trouble but I think she will grow out of it. They are both getting so big. I cannot believe how time has just flown. It seems like yesterday I held them in my arms for the first time and looked into their little faces.

Look at my little Daniel. He looks like his daddy. He is such a mess. He and Macey are starting Carpenter's kids on Tuesday and I will have four hours a week all to myself. I am looking forward to it. My time away from the twins is so limited. They are with me pretty much all the time. I love them very much but I am looking to time finding me. I have lost Raegan somewhere in the last few years. I guess I am learning to trust completely in God and he will take care of me. He is taking care of Carpenter's Kids and other finances, he is also taking care of me.