We went to church on Sunday just like we always do. I walked in and saw all the kids were dressed up in cowboy stuff. I was really confused. Why were so many kids dressed alike? Come to find out the kids were doing a drama during church and my kids were conveniently left out. I don't understand. Is there something wrong with me or my kids? I also had to hear about who was having dinner at who's house and again I wondered, why don't we ever get invited to anyone's house for dinner after church? I don't get it. People will bend over backwards to make sure you don't leave the church but don't do any outreach. Let me rephrase that, they don't do any outreach to us.
We have been attending CIC for nine years now and I still feel like an outsider looking in. Families who have been there a lot less time than us are being scooped up and taken in by everyone. Even the one who is always a problem is more a part than I am. And she only attends church to get attention! I don't know what to do. Do I leave? Do I stay and just sit there and be quiet like I always do? I live a very lonely life. I feel like I have no friends and I have to keep my kids spirits up. I try to keep them involved but then something like Sunday happens and they wonder why not us? I am mad. I don't know how to deal with this. It isn't good for Billie because now he doesn't see any reason to come with us. I know it is just another one of his excuses but he isn't coming. Hopefully this feeling will pass and I will find my place in this church. If not, I may have to find somewhere else and start over again. I hate that! I hate change! I guess I will just stay where I am at and be lonely and miserable.
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