my little demon

I have been fighting a battle with myself for a long time. I hear this little voice inside my head telling me that I don't fit in. That they don't want me around. I fight this everytime I decide to get close to someone and I was ready to let my guard down and get close to people at church. That little voice started eating at me again. I really let it get to me. It was eating me up. I am so tired of letting my guard down and getting my heart stomped on. There is no one in my life that hasn't stomped on my heart. Walmart was the last one. They put me through the ringer. It was so painful. I finally told someone how I was feeling. They completely understood and are helping me through it. I feel so much better. I will beat this little demon. He will not come up at me again. I am ready to commit to these new friendships and I will not listen to the little voice anymore.

I am an idiot!!

Today was the first day of vacation bible school and I had a total meltdown. I went into it thinking that is was going to be easy and I was wrong. Due to some major miscommunication I was not prepared to teach my class. I know it was all my fault. I misunderstood the directions. Anyway, I totally melted down and ran into the bathroom. I left my twins to anyone who would watch them while I tried to pull it together. I'm not going to lie. I lost it. Thank God for Deborah who came into the bathroom, picked me up off the floor, and prayed for me. She helped me pull it together. I wiped my tears, sucked it up, and went out there to teach my class. It went pretty well. Tomorrow will go much better. I love to help with VBS but this is the first year I have had a teaching position. Normally I stay in the background and help. It's a big step for me. I am putting myself out there. Even if it's for 3, 4, and 5 year olds, I am doing it. I know I can do better and I will do better. The kids deserve it.

a great day to be a parent

I had such an amazing experience tonight. I got to watch my eight year old daughter, Brittney, accept Jesus into her heart. She and her best friend, Victoria, and Victoria's brother, Christian, were among 5 children who said the prayer to accept Jesus tonight at our Wednesday night children's program. It was amazing. As soon as she was done I went over to all three of them and just gave them a big hug. Christian looked up at me and said "I love you, Miss Raegan". That just touched my heart so much. They ran all over telling anyone they could find that they had accepted Jesus into their heart. I couldn't be any prouder than I am right now. My little girl is growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday I held Brittney in my arms for the first time and now she will be turning nine in September. God has really blessed me with a wonderful daughter and friend.